https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/here-i-raise-my-ebeneze

God blessed me with a mom and dad who feared the Lord. My dad was called to preach at the age of 14, and soon after my parents married, he took his first pastorate. My momma was adamant that we were in church every Sunday, and for that I am truly grateful. It was because of their faithfulness to God and His kingdom work I felt called early in my life. The problem was, I felt called to serve Christ but I did not have a relationship with Him. I was baptized twice when I was a kid. I was scared to go to hell or to disappoint God. I had gone to my dad and pastor for the first time as a small child because I wanted to make my parents proud. The second time I truly believed I was open and ready to give my life to God. I was a young girl and I had so much faith and love for God. I knew there was something different about my relationship with God during this time. I studied my bible, journalled, wrote songs, and enjoyed participating in church events. However, my life started to change as I got into my teen years. I became really good at acting like I was a Christian. It became a time when I battled with self image issues and anxiety. I let other people’s problems and decisions create fear, anger, and anxiety in my own life. I thought I could bring peace to others, but instead I was causing myself to worry about so many things I couldn’t control. I listened to so many lies of the devil that my vision of God became cloudy. I could no longer hear or feel God. It was a lonely time in my life, but no one could see how sad I was because I was able to cover my sadness and loneliness by acting like everything was great.  That is, until that anxiety and fear developed into massive panic attacks. My whole mentality was blocked and all I could hear were the lies. I became so mean to myself. I would tell myself that I wasn’t pretty or smart. I honestly would say to myself that I was not loved or that I didn’t measure up. I saw this skinny, ugly girl every time I looked into the mirror.  All the while, my parents were supportive and tried to help. It wasn’t until later in my teenage years that I experienced a breakthrough with anxiety and my self image problem. During the invitational praise song at camp one summer, I broke down and cried out to God for forgiveness. I felt a fire of God go down from my head to my toes. I immediately felt a rush of peace. The weight of my worries and oppression lifted off of me and I began to seek God again. Some time later, I became distracted again. This time it was trying to make everyone like me. I was involved in everything at my school and youth group. I thought that having a relationship with God meant doing everything for people and being everyone’s friend. Then, some things happened in my family’s life that made me become resentful toward God. I didn’t understand how He could let people hurt my family when we had done so much for the church. This resentment caused a huge void between God and me. I became rebellious toward God and made selfish decisions that caused grief and disappointment. But God never gave up on me. You see, He called me out at a young age, and the farther I tried to run from Him, the louder that call became. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was a cheerleader at East Texas Baptist University, living a double life.  When I was invited to go to the worship service, I went because that was the right thing to do. The song, “Jesus, Lover of My Soul” started to play and a pouring of the Holy Spirit moved upon me. Without hesitating, I ran down the aisle and fell down at the altar. Overwhelming tears started to fall as I was face-down, on the ground. I begged God to forgive me for my selfishness and deceitfulness. I wanted God like never before. I missed the relationship I had with Him when I was that younger girl. It was this night that I truly surrendered to God. I died to myself and followed Him. This was 24 years ago. I am not going to lie and say that these 24 years have been perfect or without detours. God has continued to remind me that I am His child and to seek after Him. There are still days I struggle with tuning out the lies of satan. He likes to crowd my mind with worries and lies. The difference is I have grown in my faith and I know that God is my strength and refuge. He is my constant and if I stay close with Him, my fears and anxieties turn into praise. For my God is good and faithful. I am a daughter of the Most High. I am loved and marvelously made in His image. I have a purpose and that is to serve Him with every facet of my life. I am going to keep on looking up to the hills for my help from my Lord; the maker of heaven and earth.  

If you would like to read a sermon about the ebenezer of Samuel I have provided a link for you above.